Captivating Beauty Revisited

Something I've had as a draft for a really really long time. :

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Recently I celebrated on facebook how I've come a long way from my post in March 2013 when I had a breakthrough.

FB post celebrating a year plus since this breakthrough :)

What I didn't realise was that as I shared the link again to what I wrote a year back, God was still working through it. Many people commented on how grateful they were that I shared this piece but there were these handful ladies that messaged me personally to say that my writing helped them.

Hearing that encouraged me a lot and made me realise that what I choose to say and talk about will impact people around me, and the potential of this is endless! (I'm getting exciting just thinking of what it can be). Anyway, one of the ladies who is my friend Lindley sent me her journal reflection that is related to my post..

I was sincerely touched by what she wrote and would like to share it here on my blog. Lindley has given me her permission so here it is! Enjoy!!:


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(Shared with permission) :

There is such beauty all around. Flowers, trees, majestic birds; to flourescent-coloured fishes, intricately-designed butterfly wings. I look at the sun every morning and marvel at its gloriousness. I'm thankful for the heat and warmth that it brings to my heart. I see the stars and my gaze is lost in its sparkle.

God made this. He made the Earth, and called into being all the beautiful things in it. Every detail was designed and crafted by the Maker. And they speak of beauty.

Including you. God made everything on Earth, including you. For through Him, all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. (John 1:3, NIV) I imagine that all of creation came under His scrutiny before actually having been created (laughs).

God is an intentional and a purposeful God. It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had design on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. (Ephesians 1:11-12, MSG)

So every part of you was designed and crafted by the Maker, and they speak of beauty. 

Let that sink in for awhile.

You may not feel beautiful; people may not view you as beautiful, but He does. You are flawless to Him. Even if you have a gap in between your teeth; even if you have an illness; even if you were born deformed - He still thinks you're flawlessly beautiful. That is how deep His love is for you.

(At this point, I struggled with how God thinks of deformity as beautiful. A lot. But I realised that I had been following the world's standard for beauty. And that God doesn't look at outward appearances, but at your heart.)

He thinks you're beautiful, not by looking at your appearance. He looks at your heart and sees beauty there. You may have gone through horrible experiences; made terrible mistakes. But He's got it all covered. He has redeemed you - made your sins as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18). So let Him define your beauty by His royal standard. Don't let anyone else define that. Because our standards change over time. Our own standards don't even measure up! Our standards of beauty have become so impossible that we need to resort to surgery and Photoshop to fulfil that kind of beauty standard. Beauty has become nothing more than a trend; and new trends replace the old.

This isn't just a recent phenomenon. In his wisdom, CS Lewis has written:

In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you and I. It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual “taste”. This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type….

Thus we have now for many centuries…. As regards the male taste we have varied a good deal. At one time we have directed it to the statuesque and aristocratic type of beauty, mixing men’s vanity with their desires and encouraging the race to breed chiefly from the most arrogant and prodigal women. At another, we have selected an exaggeratedly feminine type, faint and languishing, so that folly and cowardice, and all the general falseness and littleness of mind which go with them, shall be at a premium.

At present we are on the opposite tack. The age of jazz has succeeded the age of the waltz, and we now teach men to like women whose bodies are scarcely distinguishable from those of boys. Since this is a kind of beauty even more transitory than most, we thus aggravate the female’s chronic horror of growing old (with many excellent results) and render her less willing and less able to bear children. And that is not all. We have engineered a great increase in the licence which society allows to the representation of the apparent nude (not the real nude) in art, and its exhibition on the stage or the bathing beach.

It is all a fake, of course; the figures in the popular art are falsely drawn; the real women in bathing suits or tights are actually pinched in and propped up to make them appear firmer and more slender and more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be…. As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist—making the rôle of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible. What follows you can easily forecast! 

(CS Lewis, Screwtape Letters, 1941)

Let He who is constant define your beauty. Your unfading beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of greath worth, and is so precious to Him (1 Peter 3:4).

I'm sorry if no one has told you that you're beautiful. I know it hurts, because you long to be beautiful to others. So ask Him, "Am I beautiful?" Hear His heart for you, and let that drown out everything else. Because I'm certain that He will tell you how beautiful you are.

"You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless." (Song of Solomon 4:7, MSG)

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Here's to all the broken hearted and to many who feel they are never enough. Let it be known that you are beautiful. Really. You are.

Ciao.

2015...

Where will my footsteps take me next?

15 days ago I moved my life to a new location.
7 days ago I was reminded of God's unconditional Love through Christmas
4 days ago I wrote on facebook about my dream
3 days ago the nation was shaken by the news of a missing plane
2 days ago I fell sick and remembered Daddy
Yesterday I celebrated 2014 in a BBQ Dinner with family and amazing friends.

BECAUSE OF THIS,

So much emotions stirred in the last few days (and weeks).
So much thoughts continuously brewing in my mind.
So many people around to suppress the stimuli bombarding my senses.

AND,

When we welcomed the New Year, I smiled.
When the clock struck 12 and fireworks went of all around, I cheered.
When others came to give hugs and high fives, I reciprocated.

BUT,

None of that really showed the thoughts running through my head.
None of it showed what was going on in my heart.
Nothing showed the soul that was crying out. Wailing out.

Desperately.

As I sit here writing all this out during such an inhumane hour, I can't help but cry as I try to cope with this overwhelming experience...

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Oh Dear Abba Father,

Only you know the desperation that resides in my heart. You know of the dream that I have : That I still hope on even though the glimmer of light dims even more.

Abba Father,

Only you know what the future holds for me. Only you know why I am going through all this. Only you can give me the wisdom to process all my thoughts and feelings as you reveal your plan for me.

Abba Father,

Only you understand the loneliness that this fragile heart feels even though it is physically surrounded by so many others.

Abba Father,

As a new year begins, please be my guiding light, the lamp unto my feet. That as I go through all this inner turmoil that I would have nothing else to sing praises of but of Your Grace and Mercy and Faithfulness in my live.

Amen.

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Lots more still to process of the next few weeks (or even months)...

Ciao.

p.s.: Happy New Year to one and all. Let's make the best of 2015. :)


[Disclaimer : I AM very grateful for the experiences of 2014 and what it has taught me and the many amazing individuals it has brought into my life. However, this post was written to lighten the myriad of jumbled emotions and thoughts in me as I try to make sense of things.]

Can You Hear That?

View from Damai Sentral

[Note: To be read at a slow pace with a slight pause after every line]


Can you hear that?
Can you hear the raindrops hitting the window?
Can you hear it drowning the voices in my head,
Screaming out, 'what if's, 'why not's and 'maybe's?

Can you hear that?

Can you hear my footsteps walking, running?

Can you hear them moving faster by the minute,

Trying to run away from the distraction that is in my head and heart?

Can you hear that?

Can you hear the droplets hitting the table?

Can you hear the irregular beats it creates,

As it rolls off my face?

Can you hear that?

Can you hear my heart beating against my chest?

Can you hear how fast it thumps,

EVERY time I see, hear and think of you?

Can you hear that?

Can you hear the voice from my inner most being?

Can you hear it singing out your name,

Telling you this is not a game?

Can you hear that?

Can you hear the words from my mouth?

Can you hear the phrases too?

Going, I like you.

No. I think I love you.

Actually.
Honestly.
I KNOW I love you.

But alas, this is only wishful thinking filled with sighs,

That you could hear what I hear.

That if only.

If only you could hear that...

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In the silence with thousands of thoughts in my head and a heavy laden heart, I wrote this inspired because of my feelings of loneliness. I realised how much I needed to come back to writing. It's been a long while...

Good to be back in the blogging sphere.

Ciao.


p.s.: To those who has had moments like this where your feelings and voice go unheard, I feel you.

Head : Heart

Photo from here

HEAD

HEART

Oh dear Heart, wounded at Thou?

Yes, I am

But why, dear Heart? Why?

Because today I'm reminded of my loneliness

Loneliness? But you're not alone! So many friends around you!

True.

There are many around me.

But how many truly knows me as my true self?

How many?

How many would call me theirs?
How many actually knows what I long for?
They see Body and think I'm fine.
They see Face or Face's smile, and they think I'm happy all the time.

When in fact, I long for companionship.

I long for another heart to call me his own.

One day soon, dear Heart. One day soon.

When is that dear Head?

When can that be?

Life-long wait so far and where has that gotten me?

Less and less choices. Less and less opportunities.

What if LOVE passed by and I didn't notice it?
What IF?!

But God loves you and He won't forsake you.

I do know that.

And I have you, Head, to remind me of God's Love.
Constantly.

I do feel His love as well.
Truly I do.

And I know I should be satisfied with His Love.

Yet, there is this deep desire within me.

And day by day; year by year goes by.

Desire stays but hope gets less.

It diminishes.

Hope-less.

Oh dear heart. Don't go there. Don't beat yourself too hard.

How can I not head?

How can I not beat myself down?

Never have I been deemed beautiful by another man.

Even though mentioned that I am beautiful, somehow it is always only enough to be a sister.

When will that special someone say that to me?

Why is it that it can never go beyond?

If truly I am beautiful, why don't I feel it?!
If truly I am beautiful, why don't I see it?!
What is the point of "beauty" if loneliness still creeps in?!!
[HEART breaks down and cry]

[HEAD stays silent]


*sigh*

I don't know Heart.

*sigh*

I don't know too, head.

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Just one of those lonely days.

Time to get a grip of myself again.

Tomorrow will be a new day, Sarah.

Hope can, and WILL be restored.

Ciao.

Phenomenal Woman

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross - 

As a continuous effort to learn to love myself more , I'm typing this post up to remind myself that I AM A PHENOMENAL WOMAN. :)

The poem below by Maya Angelou is perfect in describing the true beauty of women and how as a whole package, each and every one of us are phenomenal. I chose to type the whole poem out instead of copy & pasting because I wanted to make this post worth it.

So here's to being a more confident, courageous and captivating woman!

As I grow up, I realise reflecting on life and learning from it is an important posture to emulate. It is often during reflection that God speaks the loudest to me as well.

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PHENOMENAL WOMAN

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say,

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

- Maya Angelou -

Ciao.

p.s.: To all the women out there, cheers. We're all phenomenal in our own way. :)

Sufficient Grace

"My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:26 -

One event after another these past few days, have triggered so much sadness within me. Because of all these triggers, unresolved issues from the past are also arising and right now I'm just overwhelmed with such a heavy heart. I allowed myself to dwell in those emotions for a bit and I remember. I remember all the pain that I have gone through from before and it is very humbling.

All the anger.

All the bitterness.

All the sorrow.

All the pain.

All the sadness.

All the disappointments.

All the fear.

I allowed it.. Just for a moment.. And just for a moment, I hated myself again.

Going down this road was so familiar and I realise I had to snap out of this. Snap out of it and STEP out of it.

And in the ugliness of the moment God reminded me of a long forgotten song.

"Hold, me close let Your love surround me,
Bring me near draw me to Your side,
And as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagle,
And I will soar with you, your Spirit leads me on,
In the power of Your love."

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Heavenly Father,

Forgive me. My flesh is weak but in my weakness, Your strength is made perfect. Lord, help me learn to keep relying on Your Grace for it is sufficient for me. Even as I continue on this journey to know you more, in moments like this, don't let me go. Remind me Lord, of the Love that you gave on that cross.

Your Grace is sufficient for me.

Amen.

Ciao.

p.s.: To all, God Grace is sufficient for us. As much as I still have to comprehend about this, slowly but surely God is revealing His unending mercy in my life.

Ramblings of the heart...

Tomorrow marks the one month point of the bus ride to Sibu for #missionKatibas. I never expected my life to change so much but it did.

My priorities have changed and realigned. Love forgotten came back to life and now I don't know what I want or God wants for my future. As I continue searching and have been searching in the last month questions and uncertainties constantly float around in my head and I don't know how best to express it except through heartfelt tears crying out to God Almighty for guidance.

Right now, I want nothing more than to be in Sarawak. I want nothing more than to be with loved ones. I want nothing more than to serve back home. But the other question quickly rises up as well. "Is this what God wants for you?"

I honestly don't know.

But no matter what, I know God's timing is perfect. And I put my hope in you, O Lord.

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YESUS KAU BESAR

Dalam setiap langkahku    (Every step I take)

Dan hembusan nafasku    (and breath I take)

Kau ada di sini    (You are here)

Hatiku pun bersyukur atas kebaikan-Mu    (My heart praise your goodness)

Dan kemurahan-Mu    (and Your mercy)

Kuletakkan harapan    (I put my hope)

Hanya dalam nama-Mu    (only in your name)

Yesus Kau Besar    (Jesus you are mighty/big)

Kuasa-Mu ajaib    (You are powerful)

Janji-Mu setia, untuk selamanya   (You are forever faithful)

Yesus Kau Besar    (Jesus you are mighty/big)

Kasih-Mu nyata    (Your love is true)

Kau ditinggikan untuk selamanya    (You are lifted forevermore)

Selamanya    (Forevermore)

Kar'na SalibMu (Because of Your Cross)

VERSE 1:

Hanya Kau Tuhan di hidupku,    (Only you Lord in my life)

Kau berikan hidup yang baru,    (You give new life)

Darah-Mu menyucikan pulihkan hatiku,    (Your blood cleanses and heal my heart)

Kunyatakan Kaulah s'galanya    (I declare that You are everything) 

VERSE 2:

Engkaulah sumber pengharapan,   (You are the source of hope)

Kuasa-Mu sanggup menyembuhkan    (Your power gives healing)

Jiwaku pun berserah hanya kepada-Mu,    (My soul is given to you O Lord)

Yesus Kaulah segalanya    (Jesus, You are everything) 

CHORUS:

Kar'na salib-Mu ku hidup,    (Because of Your Cross, I live)

Kar'na salib-Mu ku menang,    (Because of Your Cross, I win)

Engkau yang berkuasa,    (You are the Almighty)

Sanggup 'tuk melakukan mujizat-Mu,    (Making/Giving Your miracles)

Di hidupku.    (In my life)

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When I first heard this song I remember playing it over and over again. Ever since then, I have somewhat forgotten about it till a tweet from the Main Singer, Sidney Mohede came on my tweet feed. :)

So here I am back again in that phase listening to this song and being reminded of God's Unconditional Love for me. That although born a sinner, still chosen to be His daughter. Thank you Lord for your Grace, Mercy and Faithfulness in my life.

Ciao.

p.s.: To those who find this song encouraging. I hear you. :)

5 years since...

Photo sourced from here

15 April 2008.

The day I could not be Daddy's Little Girl anymore...

I miss you very much daddy. :') Very very much...

Photo sourced from here

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The years looking after daddy were some of the most trying years as all of us had to juggle that and either school, work or studies.. Time pretty much stopped where we couldn't go far beyond the boundaries of Kuching and me being the one that pushed it the furthest with short trips to KL/Penang.

Yet, when I look back at those times, I only remember Joy and Love. Never once did bitterness creep into my memories and I believe it was then that my family were the closest with each other. :')

Asking myself, if I could turn back time, would I change a thing (and if I had the power to heal sickness as well). My answer would come quickly with a "NO".

Why?

Because, it was those trying times that pushed me to GROW. It was those trying times that pushed me to LOVE; and it was those trying times that pushed me to LIVE.

There is nothing else to do but to thank God above for the wonderful memories that He has allowed me to create with my awesome daddy. Thank you Heavenly Father for your love that enveloped my family in those hard times. It was because of Your Love that we were able to love each other.

I'll end this post with part of the lyrics from the song "It is well"...

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

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This section is  tribute to daddy and to show a glimpse of the man that he was. My Hero. :)

1) A post on the Malay Mail's article.

2) Even when he fell sick, dad would faithfully go to church and encouraged the whole family to do the same.

3) A write up about the Borneo Post publication on my father's story (written when he was much younger and very healthy - trying to source the original story from a friend now)

4) Proof of my dad's achievement :) (scroll down to Javelin section).

5) From the perspective of an outsider who unexpectedly becomes a friend. Thank you Larry!

6) The article written by daddy's close friend.

7) An archive of my blog remembering daddy fondly.

8) This was the sport he loved and did well in :)

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I Love You, Daddy.

My Current State of Mind...

In the past year when people I know stumble upon my blog; one of the frequently asked question is:

"Why don't you blog more often? / Why do you blog so sparsely?"

Even the official photographer of my workplace (it was a pleasant surprise to find out that he reads my blog too :) ...) did ask me something similar too. It's a good question that got me thinking and till now, I'm still thinking why I don't blog more frequently. Don't get me wrong. I know the reason I blog, but as to the frequency, that is a question  that remains to be answered.

Maybe I'm too choosy with my blog posts and what I want to put up? Maybe I'm not naturally easily inspired? Maybe I haven't had time to reflect on life which then minimises the chances I have to get inspired. Honestly, I really don't know.

Photo from here

However, what I do know is:
#1) The process of my posts being created AND
#2) What I blog about speaks of what is in my heart. It speaks of what really matters to me.

An interesting blog I came across recently mentions that;

"A good post may take 3-5 hours when all is said and done."

Well for me, it takes longer... sometimes it takes days. Yeap. Call me a slow poke. I won't deny it.

Many may think that I churn out posts automatically and publish them once I've finished "ranting". Its more than that. For me personally, after writing the basic draft, it takes another 5 or more reads before I publish it. Each time that I re-read my post, its not so much for me to identify my grammar/spelling mistakes (sometimes even after all that reading, I still miss it...) but rather be on the look out for the emotion that the post should evoke. That means that each time I read my post, the impact on my emotions should still be the same.

So to my readers out there, THIS IS ME. This blog is me being vulnerable about what I truly feel.

That aside, in the last 3 months, I would like to apologise for my hiatus from the blogging world. Almost all my time was dedicated to work and the training of the next cohort to be sent out to schools. It was an intense 3 months but well worth it as I saw myself being pushed professionally and growing so much from the experience.

Ever since this post, I've moved on. There was one part that I mentioned:

"So for now, I'm choosing to let go. To let go of these dreams. If God were to fulfil them in the future; I will embrace them again. But right now, to move on I need to let go. I need to live in the moment and realise that maybe, just maybe; there are other dreams that I need to find first."

And letting go was exactly what I did.

Initially when I made that conscious decision, I felt like I was betraying my past and my dreams. There were many tears shed and many thoughts of still holding on to it even after "declaring" it in mypost. I knew that it was going to be tough letting go, but I realise now, just how hard it is.

But like every situation, there is a silver lining. A light at the end of the tunnel. In the 3 months of forced blogging sabbatical  letting go did me good. I DID find other dreams. Dreams that is becoming a reality. Dreams that I never thought I could dream of. Dreams I know that if I didn't let go when I did, would have passed me by.

So in the spirit of moving on with life, I want to celebrate all these new dreams that I have. I want to acknowledge them and take pride in them. So to 2013, as I embark on my life journey with new dreams and hopes, I look forward to the outcome when I get to achieve them. :)

Photo from here : Taking time to celebrate the little successes in life

That being said, moving on doesn't mean that I forget my old dreams, hopes and aspirations. On the contrary. I still look forward to "that time I can embrace my dreams again"; and when that time comes, I will be ready.

Here's to the future...

Ciao.

p.s.: To those who are learning to embrace new dreams and soar, let's continue to strive and never lose sight of the essence of who we are.

When September Ends...

A new month has just begun. And this year for me, September started with a BANG! With the wedding of a lovely couple so precious to my heart :)

Wai Nyan and Melody, Congratulations! It was a beautiful wedding and am so glad I got to be witness to it. :)

Wai Nyan and Melody's wedding got me thinking about myself and how my love life is pretty much non-existent. To add salt to the wound, I'm turning 28 this month and have never been in a relationship before. Friends to my left and right are getting married and having children and I have yet to embark on that wonderful journey with my future husband. So days can get very lonely sometimes...

And sometimes during those lonely days, I talk to my gal pals and pour out my heart. Many of them end up saying; "Don't worry Sarah. Your time will come. The man will appear. Trust in God"

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Don't get me wrong. I love all my girlfriends and know they mean well but sometimes to hear that statement over and over again pains me so much... Yes. I do trust in God's timing and till now I trust that my time will come when I get to met that man God has set aside for me. But deep inside there is also this doubting question that plays constantly in my head.. "What if..."

Many nights with that question in my head, I cry myself to sleep and just pray.. Sometimes I just cry.. I don't know what else to do.. 

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Countless times people tell me never to give up but most of the time; giving up is EXACTLY how I feel. The exasperation of just waiting and wondering. The pain of seeing friends getting into serious relationships and moving on from there. The bitterness of wondering, "What's wrong with me? Am I that UN-lovable?"

I have never asked for much. Rather, simple wishes of a Christ-loving man and one that speaks English for communication purposes. People say that I'm too choosy. Yes, I only have 2 criteria and I know that no.1 on its own is difficult to find. However, its a choice that I choose to live with because when it comes to a life partner, compromising is that last thing I should do.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

I've had so many advice come my way and  I've listened to all. One advice that I hold true to my heart came from a friend through a "bumper sticker" (do you still remember this facebook app?) that said "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

There are many other advice along the way too and they sounds similar to this: (I'm sure many of you have heard them before as well) -I may or may not agree to some and I understand should your stand be different as well. 

I want a man who not only loves me but he needs to love God first. For God has to be the centre of my relationship and the foundation that we build upon. (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

And this:

Proverbs 31 has been quoted over and over again to remind girls of what a virtuous women should aim to be like. Definitely a tough list to follow. (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

AND THIS:

Many times people tell me "God is still shaping you to be the right person for the man and vice versa" (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Sometimes too, I come across simple metaphors and take them to heart. Such as this:

"I've always had this picture in my head of me wearing a ballerina dress and twirling on God's palm. I don't remember how this image came about, but it is one vision that comforts me" (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Or this:

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

What I'm revealing and saying now is not easy for me to share as I have held all these dear to my heart, but I know that there comes a time that I must learn to let go. I've been holding on to the dream of meeting that one guy for the longest time. I've been hoping on that thought that I will get to have children of my own one day. I've been safeguarding the hope that one day, all these desires will come to be. But right now, the longer I keep them, the more painful it seems to be...

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

So for now, I'm choosing to let go. To let go of these dreams. If God were to fulfill them in the future; I will embrace them again. But right now, to move on I need to let go. I need to live in the moment and realise that maybe, just maybe; there are other dreams that I need to find first.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Therefore from now until that time I can embrace my dreams again, I will have to learn to delight myself in the Lord. Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness... 

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

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 As this month starts with a bang, not the same can be said when my birthday rolls around at the end of the month...

* I will officially be a year older
* My love life will most probably still be non existent; AND
* This journey of self discovery (with God walking me through) is still going to be painful.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

HOWEVER,

* I will still trust in the Lord in His timing and hope that the man God intended for me is just around the corner. (even though many times I feel like giving up on that hope).
* I will also continue to Praise the Lord and give thanks for His goodness and faithfulness in my life.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

All this;

When September ends......



Ciao.

p.s.: Here's to all who has gone through the same rough patch, or are going through it. I understand.

The Essence of Me :)

"My blog speaks of words from my heart." -me, 2012-

With the help of  Wordle I generated this word cloud to show what really matters to me. :) I'm so happy that the words shown DO represent who I am.

Ciao.

p.s.: Here's to random moments that make you smile. :)

Of Hugs and Kisses, XOXO

June 30th, 2012

The most ordinary day that means the world to me. :) One of my dearest friends got married (hip hip hooray!!)

Picture from here

Its been a while since I last went to Penang. So the last weekend spent there was really something that I looked forward to in a long time. But today, I'm not going to dwell on the trip. Allow me to just take a stroll down memory lane with my lovely roommates in UNIMAS.

My dearest girlfriends,

Its been 9 years since we've known each other! Oh how time flies!

I remember that fine day when we registered for university and I was with my friends and you were with yours. Yet lots of movement here and there caused us to end up in the same line together. How amazing it is that God put it in such a way that we four were clumped together into one room.

This then was the beginning of the adventures of CD141 (a.k.a Burping Gals)

Back when we so proud of our 2megapixel cameras.. :P (1st year in Uni)

On my 20th birthday. With my gals. (2nd year in Uni)

Beginnings are always tough but after initial adjustments, we pretty much couldn't be separated. We did almost everything together. From studying (Su Yin, this is you) to tennis (all four of us) to shopping, and eating; WE WERE INSEPARABLE. Years in Univerity passed by so quickly...

I remember when we got this we were all SO PROUD of it.. haha.. and how the colours matched the background

Here's proof! We really DID graduate! :)

3rd year went by so quickly. By the time we realised university was finishing, we all graduated! Time spent together was coming to an end and the future was filled with unknowns.

Even though our journey in UNIMAS ended, we knew this was never the end of our beautiful friendship. We made a promise that we must meet at least once a year. And till now, we've been faithful to that promise :) Thank you girls.

2007 - Kuching

2008 (April) - Dad's funeral - Kuching

2008 (October 4th) - Su Yin's wedding :) - Penang

2009 we didn't meet as a group but we did meet each other at different times. However, because we missed each other so much, we met in the beginning of 2010 back in the town where we first met. KUCHING :D

2010 - Kuching

Time flew by again so quickly. October 10th, 2010 came with the official news that Grace was getting married! :D

2011 (April 23rd) - Grace's wedding :) - Kota Kinabalu

By then, Christine was going out with Mike already and things seem to go well. But before she got hitched, we needed just one more meetup (whatever excuse to meet up right?). And so we did...

2011 (December) - Year end meet :) - Kuala Lumpur

Well, the next 2 photos is dedicated to Christine's wedding. Thank you my dear for allowing me to share the experience of such a beautiful wedding. After all that planning, it turned out SO well.

2012 (June 30th) - Christine's wedding :) - Penang

Su yin wasn't in this photo. She was on a plane ride from Tokyo to KL. I want to dedicate this section to her because she pretty much cut short her sampling trip in Japan to make it for Christine's wedding. Thank you dear for your sacrifice :). Although she did not make the church service in time....

2012 (June 30th) - Christine's reception (WITH SU YIN!!) - E&O Penang

She made it for the reception!*cheer*

I recently shared this with the girls and want to share it again:

"God knew.. He knew so well that we needed each other. Even many years down the road. It was all laid for us. Such a beautiful foundation of friendship. Nothing short of Divine. :) "

I can still remember so well. That one fine day when 4 lives would cross paths and create history.

Heavenly Father, I thank you SO deeply for these 3 girls whom you've put in my lives. You knew how much I needed them and till today I'm so grateful for them. You've given me angels that love me and care for me in so many ways. Thank you again. Amen.

My sweethearts, you've reminded me over the weekend how important friendships are. What more to say friendships that has crossed over into sisterhood. You all are amazing. I love you.

XOXO.

Ciao.

p.s.: Here's to friendships that means the world to you. You need them.

p.p.s: So..gals, its the 10th year next year.. where should we go? :)