Captivating Beauty Revisited

Something I've had as a draft for a really really long time. :

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Recently I celebrated on facebook how I've come a long way from my post in March 2013 when I had a breakthrough.

FB post celebrating a year plus since this breakthrough :)

What I didn't realise was that as I shared the link again to what I wrote a year back, God was still working through it. Many people commented on how grateful they were that I shared this piece but there were these handful ladies that messaged me personally to say that my writing helped them.

Hearing that encouraged me a lot and made me realise that what I choose to say and talk about will impact people around me, and the potential of this is endless! (I'm getting exciting just thinking of what it can be). Anyway, one of the ladies who is my friend Lindley sent me her journal reflection that is related to my post..

I was sincerely touched by what she wrote and would like to share it here on my blog. Lindley has given me her permission so here it is! Enjoy!!:


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(Shared with permission) :

There is such beauty all around. Flowers, trees, majestic birds; to flourescent-coloured fishes, intricately-designed butterfly wings. I look at the sun every morning and marvel at its gloriousness. I'm thankful for the heat and warmth that it brings to my heart. I see the stars and my gaze is lost in its sparkle.

God made this. He made the Earth, and called into being all the beautiful things in it. Every detail was designed and crafted by the Maker. And they speak of beauty.

Including you. God made everything on Earth, including you. For through Him, all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. (John 1:3, NIV) I imagine that all of creation came under His scrutiny before actually having been created (laughs).

God is an intentional and a purposeful God. It is in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had design on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. (Ephesians 1:11-12, MSG)

So every part of you was designed and crafted by the Maker, and they speak of beauty. 

Let that sink in for awhile.

You may not feel beautiful; people may not view you as beautiful, but He does. You are flawless to Him. Even if you have a gap in between your teeth; even if you have an illness; even if you were born deformed - He still thinks you're flawlessly beautiful. That is how deep His love is for you.

(At this point, I struggled with how God thinks of deformity as beautiful. A lot. But I realised that I had been following the world's standard for beauty. And that God doesn't look at outward appearances, but at your heart.)

He thinks you're beautiful, not by looking at your appearance. He looks at your heart and sees beauty there. You may have gone through horrible experiences; made terrible mistakes. But He's got it all covered. He has redeemed you - made your sins as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18). So let Him define your beauty by His royal standard. Don't let anyone else define that. Because our standards change over time. Our own standards don't even measure up! Our standards of beauty have become so impossible that we need to resort to surgery and Photoshop to fulfil that kind of beauty standard. Beauty has become nothing more than a trend; and new trends replace the old.

This isn't just a recent phenomenon. In his wisdom, CS Lewis has written:

In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you and I. It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual “taste”. This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type….

Thus we have now for many centuries…. As regards the male taste we have varied a good deal. At one time we have directed it to the statuesque and aristocratic type of beauty, mixing men’s vanity with their desires and encouraging the race to breed chiefly from the most arrogant and prodigal women. At another, we have selected an exaggeratedly feminine type, faint and languishing, so that folly and cowardice, and all the general falseness and littleness of mind which go with them, shall be at a premium.

At present we are on the opposite tack. The age of jazz has succeeded the age of the waltz, and we now teach men to like women whose bodies are scarcely distinguishable from those of boys. Since this is a kind of beauty even more transitory than most, we thus aggravate the female’s chronic horror of growing old (with many excellent results) and render her less willing and less able to bear children. And that is not all. We have engineered a great increase in the licence which society allows to the representation of the apparent nude (not the real nude) in art, and its exhibition on the stage or the bathing beach.

It is all a fake, of course; the figures in the popular art are falsely drawn; the real women in bathing suits or tights are actually pinched in and propped up to make them appear firmer and more slender and more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be…. As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist—making the rôle of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible. What follows you can easily forecast! 

(CS Lewis, Screwtape Letters, 1941)

Let He who is constant define your beauty. Your unfading beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of greath worth, and is so precious to Him (1 Peter 3:4).

I'm sorry if no one has told you that you're beautiful. I know it hurts, because you long to be beautiful to others. So ask Him, "Am I beautiful?" Hear His heart for you, and let that drown out everything else. Because I'm certain that He will tell you how beautiful you are.

"You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless." (Song of Solomon 4:7, MSG)

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Here's to all the broken hearted and to many who feel they are never enough. Let it be known that you are beautiful. Really. You are.

Ciao.

Head : Heart

Photo from here

HEAD

HEART

Oh dear Heart, wounded at Thou?

Yes, I am

But why, dear Heart? Why?

Because today I'm reminded of my loneliness

Loneliness? But you're not alone! So many friends around you!

True.

There are many around me.

But how many truly knows me as my true self?

How many?

How many would call me theirs?
How many actually knows what I long for?
They see Body and think I'm fine.
They see Face or Face's smile, and they think I'm happy all the time.

When in fact, I long for companionship.

I long for another heart to call me his own.

One day soon, dear Heart. One day soon.

When is that dear Head?

When can that be?

Life-long wait so far and where has that gotten me?

Less and less choices. Less and less opportunities.

What if LOVE passed by and I didn't notice it?
What IF?!

But God loves you and He won't forsake you.

I do know that.

And I have you, Head, to remind me of God's Love.
Constantly.

I do feel His love as well.
Truly I do.

And I know I should be satisfied with His Love.

Yet, there is this deep desire within me.

And day by day; year by year goes by.

Desire stays but hope gets less.

It diminishes.

Hope-less.

Oh dear heart. Don't go there. Don't beat yourself too hard.

How can I not head?

How can I not beat myself down?

Never have I been deemed beautiful by another man.

Even though mentioned that I am beautiful, somehow it is always only enough to be a sister.

When will that special someone say that to me?

Why is it that it can never go beyond?

If truly I am beautiful, why don't I feel it?!
If truly I am beautiful, why don't I see it?!
What is the point of "beauty" if loneliness still creeps in?!!
[HEART breaks down and cry]

[HEAD stays silent]


*sigh*

I don't know Heart.

*sigh*

I don't know too, head.

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Just one of those lonely days.

Time to get a grip of myself again.

Tomorrow will be a new day, Sarah.

Hope can, and WILL be restored.

Ciao.

Sufficient Grace

"My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:26 -

One event after another these past few days, have triggered so much sadness within me. Because of all these triggers, unresolved issues from the past are also arising and right now I'm just overwhelmed with such a heavy heart. I allowed myself to dwell in those emotions for a bit and I remember. I remember all the pain that I have gone through from before and it is very humbling.

All the anger.

All the bitterness.

All the sorrow.

All the pain.

All the sadness.

All the disappointments.

All the fear.

I allowed it.. Just for a moment.. And just for a moment, I hated myself again.

Going down this road was so familiar and I realise I had to snap out of this. Snap out of it and STEP out of it.

And in the ugliness of the moment God reminded me of a long forgotten song.

"Hold, me close let Your love surround me,
Bring me near draw me to Your side,
And as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagle,
And I will soar with you, your Spirit leads me on,
In the power of Your love."

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Heavenly Father,

Forgive me. My flesh is weak but in my weakness, Your strength is made perfect. Lord, help me learn to keep relying on Your Grace for it is sufficient for me. Even as I continue on this journey to know you more, in moments like this, don't let me go. Remind me Lord, of the Love that you gave on that cross.

Your Grace is sufficient for me.

Amen.

Ciao.

p.s.: To all, God Grace is sufficient for us. As much as I still have to comprehend about this, slowly but surely God is revealing His unending mercy in my life.

Tribute to An Inspiring Teacher

County Kerry, Ireland. Home of Brother Albinus. Picture sourced from here.

Today I'm reminded of my high school days. One filled with laughter and lots of hope. A life that has been inspired by many around me.

Today, one of those inspirations has gone to be with the Lord. One who knew his purpose in life and even better; what God's will was for his life.

Today, Sarawak lost a beautiful treasure. One who has touched many lives and impacted generations of students. A life that gave wholeheartedly to educating the less privileged.

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Brother Albinus. Photo sourced from here.

English
In all honesty, I did not have much contact time with Brother Albinus while I was in high school. My only time of pupilage under him was English Tuition classes and that was once a week for only a few months in Form 5.

Yet with that little time spent learning from him, I have been impacted immensely. Through his English classes my style of writing changed. I learned to engage the reader better with more fluidity in my writing. Much of what my writings are today have been influenced by his teaching in those few months.


Bible Knowledge
Writing was just part of his impact in my life. A greater impact came when I became a teacher. You see, Brother Albinus was one of the most sought after Bible Knowledge (BK) teachers in Kuching. His reverence towards God's Word, his attention to details in answering the BK questions and his dedication to pushing his students to excellence and demanding nothing less than the best was what produced top scoring students in BK and beyond the achievement piece, gave credibility to the subject in the SPM landscape.

After BK class. Captured by my student :)

When I was given the responsibility to head the BK subject in Green Road, I knew I had to step up. Having been Brother Albinus' student before, I knew how strict I needed to be in teaching God's Word and how much I needed to demand of my students. Every time I stepped into my BK class, besides God as my guidance, I always set my standards against that of Brother Albinus.

Choosing to set that expectation on myself paid off. God blessed me and my students with good results during the years of my teaching.

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So today when I saw posts on Facebook on the demise of this great teacher, I knew I had to somehow pay tribute to his impact in my life; and the best way that I knew how was to give what he taught me best: WRITING.

So here's to you Brother Albinus. Thank you for being such an inspiration to not just me, but MANY MANY others. You've set the bar high in so many ways and left a legacy that leave many wanting.

Here's to seeing your impact grow beyond the people you have touched.

[NOTE: To those who do not know him, here's a write up about him from our local paper; the Borneo Post.]

Ciao.

p.s.: Here's to all, whose lives have been touched by Brother Albinus. He's in a better place now. :)

Ramblings of the heart...

Tomorrow marks the one month point of the bus ride to Sibu for #missionKatibas. I never expected my life to change so much but it did.

My priorities have changed and realigned. Love forgotten came back to life and now I don't know what I want or God wants for my future. As I continue searching and have been searching in the last month questions and uncertainties constantly float around in my head and I don't know how best to express it except through heartfelt tears crying out to God Almighty for guidance.

Right now, I want nothing more than to be in Sarawak. I want nothing more than to be with loved ones. I want nothing more than to serve back home. But the other question quickly rises up as well. "Is this what God wants for you?"

I honestly don't know.

But no matter what, I know God's timing is perfect. And I put my hope in you, O Lord.

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YESUS KAU BESAR

Dalam setiap langkahku    (Every step I take)

Dan hembusan nafasku    (and breath I take)

Kau ada di sini    (You are here)

Hatiku pun bersyukur atas kebaikan-Mu    (My heart praise your goodness)

Dan kemurahan-Mu    (and Your mercy)

Kuletakkan harapan    (I put my hope)

Hanya dalam nama-Mu    (only in your name)

Yesus Kau Besar    (Jesus you are mighty/big)

Kuasa-Mu ajaib    (You are powerful)

Janji-Mu setia, untuk selamanya   (You are forever faithful)

Yesus Kau Besar    (Jesus you are mighty/big)

Kasih-Mu nyata    (Your love is true)

Kau ditinggikan untuk selamanya    (You are lifted forevermore)

Selamanya    (Forevermore)

Of little things in life..

:)

That emoticon pretty much sums up my day.

Today, I was witness to the power of friendship and love. A big statement for sure.. and bound to pound on the curiosity of the reader I bet *wink*

But the act to that claim was something simply.. ORDINARY.. yet to see it happen is RARE..

I was on the way to prepare for class today (Biology Lab to be exact) when I saw these group of students from 4S3 at the other end of the lab building. They were a group of girls waiting at the ground floor end of the stairs. The girls were surrounding their wheelchair bound friend and were waiting for the boys in their class to arrive.

The girl in the wheelchair was all smiles knowing that she had friends around her. She chit-chatted with them and I notice that the friends were carrying the girl's books for her.

Finally the boys arrived (more like an army of boys.. hehe) and the girls went on ahead to the lab while now the group of boys surrounded her at all sides. AND as if it was so effortless, they carried her up the stairs (while she was still in the wheelchair!!) working together as a team. The boys who weren't carrying her directly formed a "cushion barrier" behind as support and in about one minute, they finished the task of carrying her to the lab.

Not once during that whole time did I see any one of them complain or show sour/long faces. My heart was deeply touched and at that moment I was so proud to be their teacher.

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It so amazing how the good Lord shows me little gestures in life and remind me of the hope there is in a friendship.

Who says little things in life don't count?? :')

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever." ~Psalm 136:1~

Ciao.

p.s.: Here's to those who have been witnesses of little miracles in life..

Life's Short...

Last year, my school was shaken with the demise of 2 of our students. One in Form 5 and one in Form 4. As to how they passed on, I choose not to dwell and respect their families.

Why bring up the past when clearly its time to move on in this new year?

Today, on the birthday of my late father, my school is once again rocked with the news of one of my student in the I.C.U... A very sudden event that leaves students stunned to silence while others heartbroken. All this is evident on her facebook page. On Friday, the girl was fine and still her jovial self. She even met with  the principal to ask for a change in class. But over the weekend she contracted an infection in the brain and went into high fever. Her family brought her immediately to the hospital and went in for brain surgery. So far there is slight hope, as news of her although still unconscious, is responding slightly. The next few days are really critical as to whether she makes a full recovery or remains brain damaged.

Hope is always there because God is the God of miracles. (Lord, please remember the prayers of all those who are praying for her.)

Lena, here's to you. I pray that the Lord Almighty will heal you and you'll get well and live a long life ahead of you. One that is bright and filled with joy!!

Ciao.