When September Ends...

A new month has just begun. And this year for me, September started with a BANG! With the wedding of a lovely couple so precious to my heart :)

Wai Nyan and Melody, Congratulations! It was a beautiful wedding and am so glad I got to be witness to it. :)

Wai Nyan and Melody's wedding got me thinking about myself and how my love life is pretty much non-existent. To add salt to the wound, I'm turning 28 this month and have never been in a relationship before. Friends to my left and right are getting married and having children and I have yet to embark on that wonderful journey with my future husband. So days can get very lonely sometimes...

And sometimes during those lonely days, I talk to my gal pals and pour out my heart. Many of them end up saying; "Don't worry Sarah. Your time will come. The man will appear. Trust in God"

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Don't get me wrong. I love all my girlfriends and know they mean well but sometimes to hear that statement over and over again pains me so much... Yes. I do trust in God's timing and till now I trust that my time will come when I get to met that man God has set aside for me. But deep inside there is also this doubting question that plays constantly in my head.. "What if..."

Many nights with that question in my head, I cry myself to sleep and just pray.. Sometimes I just cry.. I don't know what else to do.. 

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Countless times people tell me never to give up but most of the time; giving up is EXACTLY how I feel. The exasperation of just waiting and wondering. The pain of seeing friends getting into serious relationships and moving on from there. The bitterness of wondering, "What's wrong with me? Am I that UN-lovable?"

I have never asked for much. Rather, simple wishes of a Christ-loving man and one that speaks English for communication purposes. People say that I'm too choosy. Yes, I only have 2 criteria and I know that no.1 on its own is difficult to find. However, its a choice that I choose to live with because when it comes to a life partner, compromising is that last thing I should do.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

I've had so many advice come my way and  I've listened to all. One advice that I hold true to my heart came from a friend through a "bumper sticker" (do you still remember this facebook app?) that said "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

There are many other advice along the way too and they sounds similar to this: (I'm sure many of you have heard them before as well) -I may or may not agree to some and I understand should your stand be different as well. 

I want a man who not only loves me but he needs to love God first. For God has to be the centre of my relationship and the foundation that we build upon. (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

And this:

Proverbs 31 has been quoted over and over again to remind girls of what a virtuous women should aim to be like. Definitely a tough list to follow. (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

AND THIS:

Many times people tell me "God is still shaping you to be the right person for the man and vice versa" (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Sometimes too, I come across simple metaphors and take them to heart. Such as this:

"I've always had this picture in my head of me wearing a ballerina dress and twirling on God's palm. I don't remember how this image came about, but it is one vision that comforts me" (Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Or this:

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

What I'm revealing and saying now is not easy for me to share as I have held all these dear to my heart, but I know that there comes a time that I must learn to let go. I've been holding on to the dream of meeting that one guy for the longest time. I've been hoping on that thought that I will get to have children of my own one day. I've been safeguarding the hope that one day, all these desires will come to be. But right now, the longer I keep them, the more painful it seems to be...

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

So for now, I'm choosing to let go. To let go of these dreams. If God were to fulfill them in the future; I will embrace them again. But right now, to move on I need to let go. I need to live in the moment and realise that maybe, just maybe; there are other dreams that I need to find first.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

Therefore from now until that time I can embrace my dreams again, I will have to learn to delight myself in the Lord. Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness... 

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

*********************

 As this month starts with a bang, not the same can be said when my birthday rolls around at the end of the month...

* I will officially be a year older
* My love life will most probably still be non existent; AND
* This journey of self discovery (with God walking me through) is still going to be painful.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

HOWEVER,

* I will still trust in the Lord in His timing and hope that the man God intended for me is just around the corner. (even though many times I feel like giving up on that hope).
* I will also continue to Praise the Lord and give thanks for His goodness and faithfulness in my life.

(Pic from 'Women after God' collection)

All this;

When September ends......



Ciao.

p.s.: Here's to all who has gone through the same rough patch, or are going through it. I understand.